Champagne, chocolates, strawberries and red lipstick. Yep, this paints a picture of what Valentine’s Day is supposed to look like. Just when I've recovered from the holiday festivities, now you all want me to get excited over this pointless day?
Valentine’s Day is a let down for everyone. Whether you’re single, dating, married or divorced. But I am sure you already know that. Deep down inside you do. And if you’re one of these unicorn riding people that wear your rose-coloured glasses and see rainbows in the distance, good on you. I hope you continue to live in your fairy-tale castle, untarnished by the cynicism of my truthful logic.
But let me ask you, why do you need a special day to express your love to someone? Shouldn’t this be done every day? If your partner shows extra attention to you on this special day because he has to, it’s completely arbitrary.
If he feels forced to buy you something or take you out to a romantic dinner because of society’s expectation that it has to happen on this special day, then it doesn’t actually mean anything. What would be more meaningful is a spontaneous surprise on any other day of the year, or even celebrating a milestone.
Oh and then there's all those people who feel left out, lonely even, because they don't get anything for Valentine's Day and they have to witness all their colleagues get showered in gifts. It's that's not awkward then I don't know what is.
I’ve yet to meet a man that gets truly excited by Valentine’s Day. I mean who is genuinely and deeply looking forward to this day every single year. If he exists let me know because I’d love to undertake tests on him to see if he is truly part of our species.
Don’t we all already have enough events to buy crap for? Like Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries. Then there are the engagements, baby showers, weddings and the list goes on. There comes a point where your brain can no longer fathom picking a memorable or meaningful gift. The mental strain is just too much to bare. And let’s face it, most people don’t actually like their gifts, don’t we all just accept them with a forced smile? Well I know I do.
Anyway, who actually buys their husband a gift on Valentines Day? We all know what men really want… They don’t want a tacky pen, or silk tie… They just want filthy sex. And hey it’s totally free, unless it’s with a hooker. And let’s hope that’s not the case, well if you’re married that is. Unless you’re in an open relationship and that’s totally your thing. What the hell, just do what you want, it’s not my business.
Don't get me wrong, my husband and I always used to celebrate Valentine's Day when we were dating, and also during the first few years of marriage. But it has always been a total let down. Firstly what's with the set menus, like really, why? I don't like being told what I can eat. Can you please just let me order what the fuck I want? Once we went to a super nice restaurant but weren't even allowed to order an extra side. And we walked out feeling super hungry. Maccas run on the way home? Sounds like a classy night.
Not only is EVERYTHING overpriced on Valentine's Day like merchandise, flowers and food. I hate being treated like cattle class. Yes, being squashed into a restaurant like I'm a sardine does not appeal to me. Did I mention the chaos and traffic trying to get to your Valentine's date on time? That's stress on a whole another level. One year we tried to go to a special movie night to watch '50 Shades of Grey', and the traffic was horrendous. We missed the first ten minutes of the movie, which was probably a good thing. That's a whole two hours of my life I'll never get back.
Now I am starting to sound like a tight ass. Well if you know me, then you know I’m far from it. The only ass I dream to be tight is my behind. Jen Selter watch out. But you totally didn’t need to know that. Anyway back to my rant, yes, it’s all about the junk in the trunk at the end of the day. All this stuff just sits there collecting dust and taking up valuable real estate in our homes.
We’ve become such a consumerist society, hoarding unnecessary possessions. And then we get told that all this stuff affects our mental health, we become depressed and anxious. We pay more money to go to a therapist, and we get told that our surroundings affect our mood. And then we purchase another item, a book about Japanese tidying up, and proceed to spend the next six months decluttering our homes using the Konmari method. And that book sits there collecting even more dust, alongside all the other stuff. And so the cycle continues.
Moral of the story? Give up Valentine’s Day. You don’t need a special day to express your love. Make
#everydayromance part of your regular routine.
Things you can do solo
Love yourself first! Dedicate some time each day or each week to being alone. Whether its going out to exercise or getting regular beauty treatments, or just having a cup of tea in peace, just do it. All mums need space to clear their head.
Do whatever makes you feel sexy or good about yourself. If it’s buying a new set of lingerie or putting on some make up, just do it and don't feel guilty about it. You deserve it!
Take up a form of exercise you enjoy. Pilates is a good one. It strengthens your pelvic floor which is great for your sex life. Many women find that knowing how to contract and relax the pelvic floor muscles allows them to have more control over when they reach orgasm. Oh and it also gives you a smashing bod.
Always stay confident and happy within yourself. If it’s one thing I’ve learnt in recent years is that you are the person that is responsible for making yourself happy. You cannot expect that from another person. Fill your own cup, and then watch the flow on effects.
Always prioritise your partner over work colleagues and friends. If you know you haven’t spent quality time with your partner, skip the social work function and go home instead.
Things you do as a couple together
Always do one activity together every day. Whether it’s watching your favourite show together, going for a walk, or washing up the dishes together. The point is to do something together.
Once the kids are in bed, make time for a chat and ask your significant other about their day without distraction (no phones). Yes we're all busy, but that's no excuse not to spend quality time talking with your partner. Try to not just talk about the kids. Talk about anything and everything else.
Know what your 'love languages' are. If it’s one thing I learnt in marriage classes was that everyone has their own love language. Ensure you are both aware of what yours are, and do things to please your partner.
Never let issues boil up or go to bed angry with each other. If you're upset about something try to communicate right away.
Married couples… what do you do every day to keep the spark alive?